Is this it?

I'm 32, been single for 10 years (not due to lack of trying) , I get ignored by my family/work collegues and I feel naturally alone like I am invisible to these people. I suffer with Anxiety disorder and being alone is without a doubt the worst thing. My experience on this planet being ignored, forgotten and I feel people in my life will only care when I'm dead. I'm not after sympathy or pity and no I'm not suicidal I am just explaining how it is, nothing will change so I don't try and find reasoning behind it. I'm just an odd one out.

I ask myself is this it? Is this the peak of my life? Surely this can't be it. I live in a shitty House shared by strangers and I rent a room, I don't even have my own fucking place. I have no job and I have a foundation degree in Graphic Arts and design but that is useless unless you are a Hipster because no one wants to hire a fat white scruffy guy in 2020.

I don't know what my next move is, I could pursue my Comic book free lance Idea but it's not easy and you need alot of money to cover yourself while doing it. I'm only good at fast food work, I tried office work and it was soul crushing so I don't want to go back to that. At this point I feel like just throwing in the towel, what am I here for? I don't have a family , I don't have a love interest, I don't have a career or savings I just sit in my room eating fast food regretting my past. Honestly if God want's to pull a rabbit out of His arse to help me I would take it but it doesn't seem likely. Praying won't do shit all it does is give me false hope. Reality sucks, my life sucks and I can't be bothered fighting anymore. Sometimes I feel like just going crazy in a supermarket just to get some attention from strangers.

Whatever happens I know that I will never resort to suicide I don't see the point of it but I do question whats the point of living if no matter what you do people will always pull you down.

Concerns

With all the craziness going on in the world due to the CoronaVirus I am starting to get concerned about where my life is going. I lost my job at Sky before the Government lockdown and I am living on my student loan which is fast approaching depletion and no one is hiring. Luckily I am getting some cash via my artwork but even that won't cover all my bills so I honestly don't know what's going to happen. I hope when I read this in the future that everything worked out beacuse mid 2020 is fucking crazy right now. I just hope riots don't errupt as I am not the only one who will suffer if this lockdown doesn't get lifted.

Uni Visit 2020

Hey not posted this year so here I am.

So today we had another guest speaker come in to talk to us. She was Emma Reynolds, a childrens author and illustrator. The presentation was interesting and gave us some good hints and tips, She mentioned using agencies to help sell Her work etc.

I decided to follow Emma on Instagram after the talk and asked Her what agencies She uses but instead she kept talking about portfolio's and presentations, which is fine but did not answer my question. So I asked Her again and She just sent a link and told me to use skillshare. 

Why is it so hard to get a simple answer?? All I asked was can you tell me what Agency you use and She kept dancing around the question. Waste of time asking. I don't need to know about portfolios yet all I needed was a link to the agency she uses. Sick of these people claiming to help but won't answer my question.