I cried today over the thought of my Dad dying, the only person in this world who truely respects me, see's me as an equal. He has a heart condition due to the years of him abusing his body with drugs and alcohol. I can't blame him, all his life he was mocked by people he trusted. I can relate. The only thing that kept him going was to see me and my sister grow up and be happy. we talk now and again and one day I won't have that luxury. I think what will I do? no one talks to me other than him. My mum rarely bothers with me and focuses on my sister more. I think this is due to the fact that I haven't given her a grandchild so I am not important. she will obviously deny this but I can see through her. My sister only contacts me if it's in her interest. I swear if I didn't own a car i would never hear from her unless she wants to gloat about a new car or promotion.
At this stage of my life I am reflecting and looking at what I have. Nothing. All I do is draw for strangers on the internet and get a few pennies here and there. I tried full time work but I couldn't do it, I felt like a tax number working long hours on a night shift I was getting fed up after 3 months.
I am still in the same house share for 7 years now. what a waste and still nothing to show for it.
I don't know what I will do when my Dad goes. Either hit the bottle or carry on. I keep asking myself whats the point? I don't want to give up but when you have nothing to fight for then what then?
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